Slow And Steady Wins The Nothing

We’ve all heard Aesop’s famous fable with the tortoise and the rabbit.  Contrary to the lovable children’s tale though, being slow and steady in seduction will absolutely kill your chances with a woman.  Allow me to explain:

When you talk to a woman, she has anywhere from 30 seconds to a few minutes to form a very quick opinion of who you are, if she wants anything to do with you, what kind of person you are, and what category you’re going to fit into.

You have a lame first 30 seconds, she’s going to suddenly realize she has bladder problems.  If you’re Mr. Wild and out-of-control “nimbus-blazing”, slick talking pick-up artist, she’s going to be mildly entertained at your eccentric behavior.  You do well over the next 2-3 minutes, you’ve successfully convinced her that you’re that “cool guy she met at the bar”.

Problem for you is “cool guy she met at the bar” is also the guy who she isn’t going to go home with.  You’re also “has-been” cool guy the moment doubt, hesitation, or performance fright creeps in.

Congratulations.  Within 5 minutes you have been labelled, categorized, and filed in her mind in regards to who you are to each other.

Now it becomes quite obvious why waiting awhile to make a move becomes one of the biggest things limiting your success.  You THINK you need to wait x amount of time before making an overt physical move.

The truth is you can make your “it’s on” move (ie. the mutual hand caressing test or kissing) as early as the first minute. And if she is initially attracted to you it will work.

Waiting too long just flat out kills your chances.  You have a good minute to 5 minutes before she concretely figures out all the details she needs to know about you in relation to her.  These first few moments are the probably the most powerful and influential ones you have with her, regardless of the outcome.  You can never shape who you are to her as strongly as you can in those first few minutes after you meet her.  Guys are usually at their best during the first few minutes of vibing when the sexual tension is strong.

You are a round lump of clay at that point.  Once it starts taking the shape of something, it’s hard to reverse its course.

I know this because I have screwed this up many times myself. There have been plenty of times when I had a strong sexual connection with a woman right away. She would look at me seductively and smile, we got really close and I could just feel that it was definitely ON.

But because all this was happening in the FIRST minute or two I thought I still had to wait a little bit before making that mutual physical move. (ie grabbing her hand). It’s as if I thought making an overt move so quickly would blow my chances forever or she would reject me because it’s too soon to do stuff like that.

The truth is there is NO set defined amount of time you need to wait before you can make it officially “on”. If attraction happens in the blink of an eye (seconds) then WHEN you decide to make that attraction official and mutual should be as soon as possible.

You Don’t Have All the Time in the World

Here is what usually happens:
When things are going really good at the beginning, you ASSUME you have “all the time in the world” to make that overt-mutual physical move. You figure you will get around to doing it (escalating) eventually. No hurry, no worries. She’s really into me.  But what ALWAYS ends up happening when two minutes turns into five minutes…and then into ten?
That initial sexual vibe starts to weaken. She moves slightly away from you. Now she isn’t smiling as much. She has already asked you the prerequisite getting-to-know-you questions. Then her friend comes over and interrupts the vibe.  Hmm.

Now you start doubting yourself so you put off making the OVERT move again as you WAIT until you can get things back like they were in the beginning.

You went from thinking it was TOO EARLY to make an overt-physical move to now being AFRAID to make an overt physical move.

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is you want to make the attraction “official” as soon as possible. And all that is at this point is making ONE overt physical move.  It’s really JUST about revealing and crystallizing the attraction that is already there, WHEN it’s there.

Here’s the kicker–just because she was attracted in the first minute doesn’t mean she is going to be attracted to you forever. The feeling of attraction and sexual tension fluctuates and dips like anything in life.  Your connection with her is not solid yet because in reality she just met you.  So the best time to make your overt move and make the attraction mutual is during that automatic spike in attraction that usually happens naturally during the first minute.

Obviously you want to take advantage of the attraction when it’s there. It just so happens that when you first meet a woman and you are the new mysterious guy you automatically get your best chance to make the attraction official.

The Key Point:
Once you make the overt move and your connection becomes mutual, your interaction with her can now survive the natural interest level fluctuations (the ups and downs) that are bound to happen throughout the first ten to fifteen minutes of hanging out.

Avoid the BIG LETDOWN
As soon as you sense the feeling of attraction, you want to make it official. That is the real point of escalation. Don’t put it off. It doesn’t matter if it’s only 30 seconds in. Take advantage of the fact that things are usually at their best in the first minute or two.

If I were to give you a new $100 bill that could potentially combust and turn into ashes at any moment, would you dilly-dally around in spending it?  You don’t know what the next 10 seconds, 30 seconds, or minute will bring.  All you know is the value of what you have right now.

If you have a genuine attraction connection between you and a woman, do NOT let it go.

If you don’t make the attraction official, it will feel like a big letdown for her later when her initial interest dips and nothing mutually physical has happened yet.  I’m sure you have noticed that it always gets a bit awkward when you start out FAST by escalating the vibe sexually but then you waste time dicking around with incidental touching and never make that mutual- physical move.

Once the initial tension/attraction starts to fizzle without something mutual happening, the vibe usually gets a bit weird.  This is the most common point where interactions die.  Most interactions never recover from this fast start and weak finish.

That awkward tension and weird vibe comes from a feeling that something was supposed to happen…but it didn’t.

You are now pretending to interact with each other in the “friendship frame” after starting out with a “strong sexual vibe”. You both know you are being fake so it doesn’t work.

The authenticity and genuine vibe of mutual attraction seeps out, and pleasantries fill its place.  Is it any surprise that this situation very quickly turns into “well nice meeting you”?

Vibe starts out strong > You think it’s too early to make overt physical move > Vibe weakens a bit > Now You are Afraid to make an overt physical move > Interaction Stalls > It gets awkward > Nice Meeting You

This also ties into the misconception that talking to a woman for a long time means you are doing good. I see it as just the opposite. In my opinion, if I see a guy talking to a woman for more than a few minutes without making an overt physical move… it usually means he is doing bad.

So remember fellas, when you’re handed a highly volatile $100 bill, use it to buy something tangible before it spontaneously combusts in your face.

Burning currency is illegal.  Don’t do it.