It’s not YOU it’s the SEX (updated)

update: I initially wrote a little blurb about this earlier on, but I’ve since then fleshed the whole article out to encompass the entirety of my thoughts on the matter.  So read, enjoy, and leave a comment!

—————————-

It’s NOT about you

Some of the most effective methods for picking up women quickly all seem to have ONE important thing in common.  Whether it be putting out a seductive vibe, escalating quickly, using sex talk or being physically aggressive – there is always one KEY ingredient present that makes it all work.

And that is:  For the most part, these methods are selling SEX first and YOU second

*Just a little semantical note–in many instances I will be replacing the word sex with the word pleasure.  I believe this small change will help the reader better understand the main idea of the article.

When you use seductive eye contact and get close quickly, you are basically selling pleasure.  When you talk freely and openly about your sexual desires, you are offering pleasure.  When you grab her hand, spin her around and pull her very close to you all in the first ten seconds, you are giving her an opportunity to get pleasure.

In contrast, when your main focus is on trying to be interesting and funny or saying the right “words” to bring the “value”… you are trying to sell YOU.

Now, I know you are a cool guy – but YOU are definitely not more appealing than pleasure.  I’m sorry, but being interesting, funny and witty will never top PLEASURE.  Later on, you will have lots of time to sell her on YOU – but to pull a girl you just met quickly I would you argue that the most effective way is to sell her on the idea PLEASURE.  Want to convince a girl you’re already dating that you are serious/marriage material?  That’s where your character traits and goals come into play.

Still skeptical?  Take a second and think about Jessica Alba, Alessandra Ambrosio, Jennifer Lopez, Jessica Biel, Scarlet Johannson, Angelina Jolie, or whoever your favorite female celebrity happens to be.  Picture her walking by wherever you are right now.  Aside from quite possibly feeling intimidated by her, what is the most visceral feeling in your gut you will be feeling?

These are all very accomplished women.  They’ve all reached the respective pinnacles of their careers and fame.  Despite all fame and glamour, how would you feel if she came up to you and started talking to you and trying to make you interested in her as a person?  She could tell you which TV shows she’s been on, how she contributes millions of dollars a year to help out thousands of kids in third world countries, how she’s actually very ambitious, how’s she’s independent or whatever she values in herself, but in the end what do you care about?

You’re very sexually attracted to her.  Even if that was all knew about her, you’d would still want to rail her.  In case you forgot already, everyone likes other people for their own reasons.  Some guys like small boobs, small like large ones.  Some like tall girls, some like short.  That’s why the archetype of most appealing female celebrity is so debatable.  Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.

What is not though is that we have a biological drive inside to procreate with those that fit our attraction criteria.  In the case of a celebrity above, the tantalizing fantasy of hooking up with a woman that fulfills so many points of your attraction and then some.

Let’s say you were a humanitarian doctor that spent most of his time trying to make a difference in third world countries.  Finding out that this woman donates millions of dollars every year to help the same cause that you’re so passionate about will mean a hell of a lot more than your average Joe.  Normal people who don’t care about this cause will just dismiss it as her doing it so she can feel better about herself or to help herself sleep better at night for making so much money.

Are you starting to see how talking about yourself in an attempt to get her to hook up with you actually impedes your progress?  As much as we’d like to believe (with the brainwashing of the seduction community) that we can eventually get to a point where we appeal to every single girl, chasing that dream will get you nowhere fast.

You see that girl in the corner of the bar?  She was once raped by a bunch of frat boys in college.  She also randomly has a secret fetish for floppy-haired emo boys.  You can be Mr. Alpha Male pick-up artist acting like you’re in “state” (exactly like a frat boy) and telling yourself this should attract her.   She’s being polite and friendly enough.  Floppy-haired emo boy bumps into her, says sorry apologetically, and then suddenly you have been forgotten in lieu of her new fascination.  You chalk it up to some sort of anomaly, then you tell yourself you should’ve been more assertive or dominant while completely missing the point that you never had a chance because IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!

This is to the core why tactics about attraction or how to attract women is such a bunch of BS.  A girl could like you or dislike you for the most stupid reason.  If the girl above had a thing for frat guys, there’s no way the other guy would’ve had a chance.  So this game comes down more to meeting women who are already attracted to who you are AND TAKING ACTION ON THEM.

I know everyone wants to be that guy that women say, “he was so alpha, masculine, and cool that I was swept away“.  At the end of the day, I think we all know how well that works for you.

You keep trying to be that guy, I’ll keep being that guy who was “cute, fun, and we ended up hooking up”

Selling Points

It’s also harder not take resistance personally when you use verbal methods that focus around trying to sell YOU.  Here you are trying to convey the best of your personality and revealing intimate details about yourself to her – and she is basically saying…eh not interested. Ouch. You can forget about being persistent.

Are you going out at night trying to convince women of the idea of YOU (and possibly sex)?  Or is your game centered around selling her the idea of SEX (possibly with you). If you are spending 90% of your effort on promoting YOU and only 10% on offering PLEASURE you might want to reverse that.

The truth is YOU are not that important. Sex is a very pleasurable experience on it’s own. YOU are replaceable.  Not convinced?  What happens if you get a girl all worked up and in the mood for sex and then some other guy swoops in?  Who’s going to reap the benefits?

Most of us value ourselves and have some measure of self-esteem.  That’s why it can be so hard to put your ego aside and admit that your best quality is that you can offer her pleasure.

Think about when you talk to a group of girls.  Even if you are trying to be polite, why do you still automatically ignore the unattractive one?

Because she can’t offer you pleasure.  It’s not fair, but that’s life. Women are the same way – if you are not offering pleasure you will be ignored.

One thing to keep in mind is that sex is probably the most pleasurable experience we can have.  We all love to feel pleasure and obviously women are no different. It can take a guy a long time before he finally internalizes the mindset “women love sex” but it seems to click instantly when you simply tell him “women love pleasure”.

When you consider it, selling the idea of pleasure is easy. Especially when in all likelihood she will get more pleasure out of the deal than you will.  Keep in mind we are selling a product that women want to buy. That’s why it’s such a joke when you see a guy buying the excuses women give for still not getting physical after several dates. Again, it’s not like we are asking her to loan us $10,000 dollars – we are talking about pleasure here.

Would a drug user turn down a line of coke. Well sex is a drug (it releases powerful pleasure chemicals into the body) and best of all it’s free. In other words, if there is some “mutual” interest – engaging in an activity as pleasurable as sex is really doesn’t take that much convincing.  Most times sex sells itself.  The question becomes can you get her in the mood for sex (arouse her). I mean you’ve already shown her how cool you are – she likes you. You don’t need to create more attraction (aka selling yourself) …it’s time to sell the PLEASURE.

Guys who are good know the best product in their arsenal is pleasure.  They spend less time selling themselves and more time selling the sex.  Of course the fact that you are confident and comfortable with your sexuality says really good things about you. It’s attractive no doubt. But don’t lose sight of the fact that it’s because you are offering her a good opportunity for PLEASURE that makes you so appealing.

Sexual vibe keeps the focus on where it should be…the sex (pleasure) not you. You are okay, but sorry–pleasure is better than you.  Sex talk is selling the pleasure not you.  You will never again take resistance or rejection personally – you are selling her pleasure, not you.

Stop acting like “game” consists of talking to strangers and trying to get them to give you $10,000.  If that were true, then I would agree that gaming women is hard and you would need special tricks.  Fortunately that is not the case.  We are drug dealers hanging out in a room full of female junkies – holding a big bag of cocaine.  The sooner we open up the bag and let them know what happens in here stays in here… well you know the rest of the story.

The Realization

In most methods you have to do two things.  First you need to convince her to like YOU and then you still need to convince her to have SEX with you. The shortcut is to show her you can provide HER pleasure – who cares about YOU.  I know you do… but a different way to think about this is: instead of trying to sell yourself, (qualify yourself) go out and offer pleasure.

You know you have a really good product (pleasure). You don’t need to qualify yourself or convince women. But you are still out there offering it – lovingly, humbly.

When you view game as a test of whether or not YOU are good enough for her, of course you are going to take everything personally and not be persistent.  Women become vehicles to confirm YOUR self worth.

But if you view yourself first as a provider of pleasure – despite her feelings about you – she will want the good feelings of you can provide them.

I was doing this for all the wrong reasons. I was looking for validation through female affection. Most guys are selfish when they interact with women. Not selfish for sex – they are focused more on getting validation (constantly assessing her reactions to see if she likes you) versus focusing on her pleasure. It’s not about you, it’s about her. The frame of “I am going to provide this girl pleasure and she is going to love it” will get you through the rough times (resistance, testing and flakiness). Her pleasure is the whole point – you already know you are cool, you don’t need another woman to validate that.

At the end of the day, ask yourself one question and 95% of everything will take care of itself for you.

How can I provide this woman with physical pleasure?